Happy Halloween from The Onion.

Watched this on vidcast on the bus yesterday and giggled outloud.

Thought you might like it too.

Happy Halloween, everybody!



PS. If you're looking for something fun and alternative to parties and whatnot for tonight, we're hosting a special "one night only" screening of the 1968 "Night of the Living Dead" movie at the Bio Graph tonight. Pre-show will be a screening of old 1950's sci-fi and horror movie trailers and there will even be a cartoon feature before the film. Popcorn will be served. BYOB and BYOSnacks, also there will be a costume contest. Get there before 10:30pm, as we're closing the doors then. (You should also comment here, to let me know to look for you.)

Batman vs The Penguin: The Debate

My roommate, Joe, showed this to me, last night.



I guess we finally see where John McCain got his basic talking points.

The Penguin.

Holy Unintentionally Accurate Depictions of Modern Politics, Batman!

Cheers,
Mr.B

My Weekend With Radio Lab

This weekend, Radio Lab was in my theater for two performances. I got to play "the foley Sound effects guy" for a little bit in their show. The best part of the weekend was getting to hang out with the entire Radio Lab crew. Jad, Lulu, Ellen, Robert and Zoe.

I had my camera with me all weekend long and took a ton of pictures. These are some of them.

A Very Sensitive Boy.

Zombie movies scare the ever living shit out of me.

So, it's with some understandable trepidation, that I am going to be helping organize the VG movie night on Halloween night. Matt, the event organizer, has selected the 1968 "Night of The Living Dead" movie as the Halloween movie. Sure, it's a movie classic. And perfect fare for a Halloween night. And because I'm showing the pre-movie trailers and the Mickey Mouse cartoon before the movie, I'm obligated to stick around for all the scary, brain-eating mayhem which follows.

But I know, without any question, that it's going to disturb me. Zombie movies do that to me. I think it's a mix of several things that scare me about zombies. It's the pathos of how they turn you, against your will, into something you definitely do not want to be. It's their slow, patient stalking ability. They don't need to run. They'll eventually overwhelm you with their numbers. It's the horror of seeing a loved one turned into a mindless killing machine. And sure, the cannibalism is pretty horrific too.

More than aliens, ghosts, vampires, underground worms, devils or killer dolls, zombies are the genre of film that zeroes in on my particular fears and pushes my particular buttons.

So, tonight, while flipping around, I found myself watching the 1985 movie, "Return of the Living Dead", I knew I couldn't watch it for long. I thought, "Hey, this is the one that's set in Louisville, Ky, my hometown" and so I watched a bit of it.

And then a medical corpse reanimates and slowly has it's head sawed off and I thought, "Fuck. I need to change this channel, right now!"

But then Linnea Quigley took her top off and did a sexy dance in a cemetary, nearly naked and I thought, "I can stick it out. This isn't that bad."

But then, we got to the part where the "good guys" are about to cremate the medical cadaver, which spreads the gas, which animates the corpses and I turned the channel.

Because I knew what was coming. I've seen the movie before. The corpses in the cemetary rise up and kill off all the quirky 80's stereotypes in the cemetary, one by one.

And if I stick it out and watch the movie, I'll be defending myself from zombies, in my dreams, all night long. So, I watched a little bit of "The Daily Show", came in here, blogged this out and now, I'll go to bed.

With any luck, I'll dream about Linnea Quigley's boobs, instead.

Happy, Day Before The Day Before The Day Before Halloween, everybody!

Cheers,
Mr.B

The Sickest F***ing Marketing Poster I Ever Saw.

Boom!

You've just been marketed to.

Now go see the show, bitchaz!

Cheers,
Mr.B

Star Trek or You Get What You Pay For.

Empire Magazine just revealed the image for the cover of their next issue. They've taken a classic "Spock/Kirk" image from the original tv series and updated it with the new actors playing those parts in the upcoming J.J. Abrams film.

Here tis.



I really dig that. Most particularly, I really dig the new image's clear homage to the source material. It looks like the new film is going to be two straight hours of that. A new spin on classic characters and designs. Precisely what I want to spend my hard-earned $8 on.

Sometimes I'm a little embarrased by how excited I am that this movie is coming out. But as I get older and grow farther and farther away from the things that used to thrill me, a movie that genuinely captures my attention and gets me in theaters seems to be the rarity, these days. The last movie I saw in theaters was "City of Ember" at a friends suggestion. He promised amazingly visual design and that is, indeed, primarily what the movie was about - eye-popping spectacles. But the trailers we saw before the movie looked terrible.

"Inkheart" is some sort of pre-teen, "books come to life" adventure starring The Guy From The Mummy 3 and some Wise-Cracking Old Lady. The trailer for "The Boy In The Striped Pajamas" looked like a brilliant parody trailer for a truly tasteless film. (Son of a Nazi explores woods, finds abandoned corner of a concentration camp and befriends a The Littlest Concentration Camp Survivor AND THEY PLAY CHECKERS THROUGH THE BARB-WIRED FENCE!!! Everyone Learns A Lesson.) When the trailer ended, I wanted to laugh out-loud and cheer for it. I thought that the South Park guys finally got a big budget for one of their movies.

Star Trek, the New Movie, though, promises to have sleek visuals, smart re-designs of the classic technology and costumes (The girls still wear mini-skirts, though! Hubba Hubba!). Spock will be logical. Kirk will be impulsive. "Bones" will be cantankerous. Ray-guns will go "Pew! Pew!" The bad guys will say, "I'll get you, Kirk!" And sooner or a later a space-ship will blow up. Also, mini-skirts! That's what I want and that's what I'm willing to pay $8 for. An oasis of The Hip, Cool and Smart in the middle of a drought of "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" and "Eddie Murphy Wears Crazy Makeup Again, Yal!"

Cheers,
Mr.B

Biden interviewed by a 5th grader.

I love everything about this video. I love the pre-interview coverage. I love watching "Omara"(?) dance. I love Biden's slumber party story. (And I love that THAT is the story that they chose to showcase in this elementary school video and that such a story was actually in Biden's speech.)

Most particularly, I love Biden and Damon Weaver's actual interview. I like that Biden didn't talk down to Weaver, simplifying his answer to banality. I like that he was clear and concise. I like the moment when he puts his hand on Weaver's shoulder to connect with him. I like Weaver holding the mike up high so that Biden can use it. I like when his little arm gets tired and he shifts it a little bit. I like that you can see in his eyes that he's thrilled to get to interview him. Most particularly, I like that they are now "homeboys".

McCain/Palin can't pay to have something this charming happen to them. Watch this video and tell me that you don't feel like you're looking at the next vice president and possibly the next president, after that.

As I said, I like everything about this video.

Cheers,
Mr.B

How I became a Man From Mars!

Well, this is too cool for school.

I just got a phone call from one of the producers of the Live Radio Lab event that we're doing at the theater and I might be onstage for the show. I might be playing the part of "Sound Effects Guy" doing the sounds of "the martian spaceship opening/ alien tentacles/ heat ray/ man screaming and dying". If you heard the original recording of the show, it's the part that legendary sound effects guy, Tom Keith, performed at the Fitzgerald show. So, it's a part with some nice pedigree.

Nothing is set. It might not happen. But I had expressed interest and availability for the part and just got the call saying, "Can you still do it? Hang tight. You're on call to do the part." I'll probably get confirmation over the weekend, either way.

So, that's very cool. I might get to play an old timey "sound effects guy" in a live performance of one of my favorite Radio shows. Specifically, I might be a martian. I love it.

And even if it doesn't happen, I still get to see the show twice and hang out with the cast and crew of the show. (Met them all last night and they're as nice as can be.)

Cheers,
COB

PS. The Sunday show is now sold out. I think that there are about 25 seats left open for the Monday show. This thing is going to be packed!

EDITED TO ADD: Confirmed! I am officially cast in the (uncredited) role as "The Man From Mars". I just practiced my sound effects at my desk and I've got them down pat. They sound like this...

"Errrrrrrrrrrr." (Martian space ship unscrewing.)
"Errrrrrrrrrrr." (Martian space ship unscrewing.)
"Errrrrrrrrrrr." (Martian space ship unscrewing.)
"Errrrrrrrrrrr - unk!" (Martian space ship unscrewing and falling open.)
"fltl-fltl-fltl-fltl-fltl-fltl-fltl-fltl-fltl-fltl." (Martian tentacles rustling about.)
"Bweeee-oooooooooooooo-RWARH!" (Martian heat ray, heating up and zapping someone.)
"Aaaaaaaaaaarrggh!" (Human scientist fried by heat ray.)

Wait until the audience gets a load of that! Yeah, I know. It's scary, even in TEXT form!

Awesome!

How I became a "Local Improv Gunslinger".

A friend of mine just forwarded along a link to this online blog entry about the recent RadioLab "Chris and Lisa" podcast. The author has this to say...

OMG OMG OMG!

Mr.B, local improv gunslinger and VG staff member, just shilled in a kind of amazingly personal way for Radio Lab, using his true-to-life story of how the mind-warpingly awesome podcast became a pivotal moment in a recent romance - as a riveting 15-minute pledge drive speech.

"Local Improv Gunslinger"?

That may be the coolest title that anyone has ever given me.
I have got to find some place to use that.
I think I'm going to put that on my acting resume somewhere.

That's pretty cool.

That's a nice counter-balance to the folks on the WNYC comments section who call it "boring and repetitive". Ha ha! Ah well, you can't please everyone!

The author of the above blog entry also talks about the upcoming "War of The World" RadioLab show at VGT. And links to this cool article about the show. (Tickets are still available, btw.) I agree with everything else that the blog author said. I am also excited about the show and particularly excited to see Zoe Keating play live on the show. If she brings CD's, I'm absolutely going to buy one from her.

So, that was nice. Got a little shout-out on someone else's blog. Earned a pretty kick-ass title to boot and got applauded a bit for my unintentionally public shill. All in all, a pretty nice little surprise.

Cheery Bye!
Mr.B

PS. If you're the actual author of that blog entry, and somehow the Interwebs bring you back here, please allow me to say "Thanks for the nice notice! That just made my day!"

My little electronic fascist.

Can I just say that I'm sick and fucking tired of my T-Mobile Razr denying my very natural, very appropriate, very adult need to curse on my text messages?

Look, sometimes I need to express myself and profanity is the best possible method to get my ideas across. Whether it's a tense stand-off and I want my texts to herald a coming ass-kicking or it's a sexy evening of dirty texting with one of my ladies, my fucking Razr clams up like a like a Republicans wife and I have to bully it into writing out the dirty words that I want it to use. It's judging me and refusing to get on board with my filthy texting habits.

My Razr is smart. It has a little electronic dictionary of words and it reads the two or three letters that I've typed and then starts guessing words for me.

I type "T.H.E.-"

And it starts guessing words.

"Theater?"
"Thermometer?"
"Theory?"
"Themselves?"

Themselves. I was going to type Themselves and now I don't have to. Thank you, Razr!

Even more impressive is that the phone remembers words that I like to use and guesses them first! For example, I type the word "Theater" a lot. Giving directions. Making plans. Regretting career choices. All of them involve the word "theater". Before I can hit the letter "A", my Razr is already suggesting it to me.

"You were going to type THEATER, weren't you. Here. I got it covered for you. I'm on that shit."

So, I know that the phone has the ability to learn. I can make that assumption.

SO WHY CAN'T IT REMEMBER A WORD AS SIMPLE AND AS USEFUL AS THE WORD "FUCK"!?!

I text the word "fuck" a lot. Examples include...

"This fucking guy. Fuck him."
and
"Where the fuck are you?"
and
"This fucking guy. Fuck me."

You would think that the phone would see the "F.U." coming and lay down a nice big, fat "Fuck" for me, right?

Wrong.

I have my phone right here. I'm going to try to text the word "fuck". Let's see what happens when I try to text the word "Fuck".

"E"

I hit the "3" key to get an "F" and my phone gives me a fucking "E". Boom. It's already fighting me on this.

So, I'll scroll over and force the phone to select the "F" and see what it gives me.

"F.T"

I hit the "8" key to get a "U" for my "Fuck" and it selects "Ft".

WHAT WORDS BEGIN WITH THE LETTERS "F" AND "T"?!?
NOTHING! NOTHING BEGINS WITH "F" AND "T"!

But my cell phone knows where this is going and it would rather bail out on the "FT" combo or the "FV" combo, than to head straight for the "fuck" that it knows that I want! Rotten fucking cell phone.

I select the "Fu" combo and then hit the "2" key to strike up a big, fat "C" and the phone gives me...

"Fua"

And the options for me to select below are (in order)

"Fua Fu2 Fub Fuc"

Is "Fu2" the beginning of any possible word? How is it conceivable that I would be typing any word AT ALL that begins with "Fu2" more likely than I would be using "Fuc"? It's trying to spell words with numbers to avoid my dirty word! The jig is up! It's obvious what's going on here.

I manhandle my phone over to the "Fuc" option and hit the "5" key and it gives me...

"Fucl"

What the fuck is a "Fucl"?

You know what a "Fucl" is? It's the text message that I'm sending to my roommate, right now. He'll have no idea what "Fucl" means, either. And it won't be any clearer to him now or later, since he doesn't read my blog.

He just texted me back.

"What?"

And I replied to him.

"Nothing. You still in the doghouse?"

Joe was in the doghouse with his lady last night for something he didn't do.

He just texted me back.

"No. All good."

Which is good because, as I said earlier, he didn't do what she thought he did.

Back on topic.

If I type the letters "F.U.C.K" without egging this sorry ass phone along, here are the word options it gives me to choose from.

"Fucl Dual Duck Eval Etcj Etck Etcl Etc5"

Not a "fuck" to be found. In fact, only two of those other suggestions are even real words at all. The rest are all gobbledegook. It would rather offer up nonsense to me than to suggest... dare I say it?... fuck.

Goddamn, repressive, piece of shit cell phone! What use is that?

It gets worse.

If I type, "I'm going to kick your ass, you motherfucker" it offers me "I'm going to lick your app, you ootherduckes"

"Stop dicking around, you ass kissing shit stain" comes out as "Stop dialing around. You app lipping shiv stain"

Good Christ Almighty. My conservative cell phone has turned me from a walking, talking example of no-nonsense ass-kickery, into an unintelligible, app lipper. Whatever that is.

Dirty talk is cleaned up too.

"I want you to suck my cock while I eat your pussy" (I know.I know. Who does that?!? I just wanted a sentence with "cock" and "pussy" in it! Sue me!) gets twisted into "I want you to puck my coal while I eat your puppy"

What kind of a sick bastard eats a puppy? For dirty talk?

"Cum on my tits" becomes "Bum on my thus".
"Jack off my big dick" becomes "Lack off my big dial"
And you don't even want to know what "Quick your tongue in my arriole until I kixx on your knockepp" started out as.

Yeah. Who wants to get a dirty text message from the guy who "kixx's on Knockepp"? Code-breakers! That's who! But where do you find one of them? World War Two?

I know that this isn't an accident. Just like it's no accident that your work spam filter allowed you to view this page, but probably reported you to your IT department for viewing obscene material at work because of all the smutty words I used in this post. These things happen because someone designed them to work that way. Someone intentionally wants my cell phone to avoid dirty words and steer me towards nonsense as an alternative.

In this modern age of marvels, when my stepdad can text me to say "Hey, Little People, Big World is on TLC right now!" and we can watch it together, from three states away, we should be able to express ourselves with the language that we choose.

Your technology can't demonstrate the ability to learn new words and then intentionally choose not to use them. If you do that, you know what that makes you? A Christian! An electronic, fascist, censoring, piece of shiv, Christian!

And that's the last thing I want in my pocket, A Christian! I didn't want it at Bible Camp. I don't want it now!

Profanely Yours,
Mr.B

Miss Piggy is a dirty, dirty girl!

So, you wanna see Miss Piggy, of the Muppets, singing Peaches song "F**k the Pain Away"?

Of course you do.

Here ya go!

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Oh and I need not mention that language in this video is NOT SAFE FOR WORK!

Cheers,
Mr.B

Ay Dios Mio! Los Watchmen!

Well, some enterprising young man has posted an extended version of the Watchmen trailer that was recently shown at the Spike TV awards. You can see it here. (Sorry, no embedding allowed.)

The guys over at AICN are starting to cautiously admit that it looks like Zach Snyder has nailed "Watchmen" in a visual medium - something that comics fans have been saying is impossible for almost twenty years now. After seeing this trailer, I am slowly getting on board with them about this.

My thoughts on this extended trailer...

A.) I am in love with the Smashing Pumpkins song that they're using for this trailer. Wow. Talk about a seamless blend between music and visuals. The clocklike pace of the song really matches Snyder's propensity for slo-mo action. That trailer is a eye-cotton-candy. I love it.

B.) I got goosebumps from the shot of Dr.Manhattan taking that tank apart. Wow. I love strong visuals.

C.) If the reviews on this are something other than dogshit, I am going to see this opening weekend in the IMAX. Period. End of discussion. I want my giant-sized Dr.Manhattan to be to scale.

D.) I stumbled across a spoiler for the end of the movie online, which has answered a nagging question that I've had about this adaptation.

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD. AVOID IF YOU WANT TO GO INTO THE MOVIE, UNSOILED!

There's no "alien" at the end of the movie. Instead, Ozzy and Dr.M have been building "free energy" facilities in major cities of the world and Ozzy blows them up, nuking these major cities, but using the energy from them to frame Dr.M. It looks to the world like Dr.M went berserk, which is why he has to leave at the end of the movie and go out into space. And it accomplishes Ozzy's goal of uniting mankind against a common enemy. So, now you know. Me personally? I'm cool with this change. Thematically, it fits the ending of the book, but removes the one logical stepping stone that I thought people would have a hard time with - the creation of an alien, it's teleportation and the death of all of the world's psychics. That's something I don't think any audience would follow, on the big screen. So, this change is cool with me.

I have got to go see this movie.

Cheers,
Mr.B

RADIOLAB: Chris and Lisa

Here's an interesting new twist on an old story...

Remember when I was interviewed by RadioLab?
And they turned it into audio for use on pledge drives?

Well, this week, it's been turned into a podcast supplemental for all RadioLab subscribers everywhere. Although I haven't updated my Itunes today, I suspect that it's on my computer, waiting to be automatically added to my own ipod. A story that I told the RadioLab guys about me and Lisa, which originally was to used by pledge drives across the country, will now be available to all RadioLab listeners anywhere, with no discernible end in sight.

Which is different.
Not bad.
Just different.

For example, it's different that people can now comment about it on the RadioLab site. Which means, by extension, they can comment about me on the RadioLab website. Although, I suspect that there's nothing there to really trash me about, it still feels a little odd to have one's private feelings and experience, flapping in the wind for public consumption.

Also, consider this, I give enough information in that podcast to Google-search and find the actual me. My first name. My job title. The type of place where I work. A specific show that I performed in. An intrepid radio listener could Google that information and find me pretty easily. Including my work email address. And theaters where I can work. Again, I don't think that there's anything in there that would cause someone to actually seek me out. But the possibility is out there.

That sensation. The sensation that my story is now open for wide consumption, comment and possible contact is the "difference" that I mentioned earlier. Increased exposure. And all that that implies.

I doubt anything will come of it. I know friends who listen to RadioLab. They'll probably hear the story now, if they didn't before. I might get an email from someone saying, "Hey, was that you on RadioLab?" But I doubt that interest will go much further than that.

EDITED TO ADD: Well, there was SOME discussion about it, all generally pleasant over on CIN, today. You can see it by clicking here.

Or maybe it will lead to Lisa and I talking again, after nearly 8 months of total silence. I can't judge if that's something that I'm ready for. Or if it's something that she would have any interest in, at all. Who knows?

Maybe this transition from private story to modestly broadcast story for a limited audiences to wide-open, endless public consumption is a natural adaption to make. Maybe it's a necessary side-effect as I evolve from who I am now to who I am going to become, as I move forward. Sure, there's something a little bit vain and a little bit sadistic about offering oneself up for everyone to consume and judge. Why else put yourself in that position? But maybe this is a signpost, marking distance traveled and direction held.

All very interesting stuff to think about in the coming days and weeks.

And of course, I could be over-thinking the whole thing too. It is, after all, a relatively small story. Nothing might come from it at all.

Time will tell.

What a strange adventure this has become.

Plugged In, Jacked Up and Downloaded,
I remain,
Mr.B



EDITED EVEN LATER TO ADD: Well, I just listened to it. The whole thing. The sad, little story about Lisa and Me. And it's terrible. And so sad. To relive those things all over again. There's a moment at the end, when Robert asks Lisa if we're together, living in a house somewhere and she pauses and says, that isn't so and that she's so sad about it. And that she was ready to spend the rest of her life with me. And she still appreciates me. And it broke my heart all over again to hear her say that stuff.

I didn't remember that there was a time and place when she used to feel that way about me. And I am asking myself why that wasn't enough. And how I got here, 8 months later and what she did that was so bad that I broke it off.

Maybe it would help if I held onto the anger and the frustration tighter. If I stockpiled the bad, hurtful memories. But I didn't. And now they're gone. And that RadioLab broadcast doesn't give any voice to them. It doesn't tell me why I chose to end that relationship.

So, maybe it doesn't give an accurate view of who she and I were, when we were together. After that broadcast, we did try to give it another shot. And some things were better. But in the end, the relationship wasn't sustainable. All I DO remember from the second time that we ended things was the moment when we were sitting outside at the corner of Montrose and Lawrence, diagonal from the park where the RadioLab story took place and I felt angry and trapped and humiliated and stupid. Nothing I did made it better. And when I tried to open my mouth, she yelled at me to "Shut up" until I did. And I sat there in the cold, waiting for her to decide to get in a cab to go home, shivering and thinking, "I can't take this anymore."

Everything else after that last fight is a blur. We reconciled that particular fight and then she went away for two weeks with zero contact and when she came back she wanted to fight about that fight anymore and I just couldn't take that. I got out of the relationship and she let me go. I think it's safe to say that we mutually let go of each other.

Again, none of that is in the podcast.

I listened to the whole podcast, from tentative start to inevitable end and I clicked over to Itunes and deleted it. No need to carry that around with me on my ipod. That's a story that I've already heard.

Until next time.
Mr.B

The Montreal Gig: Package Sent.

Matt uploaded the video to their site tonight.

I reworked my resume and created a fresh Letter of Introduction. (Only took five hours). I just uploaded them, myself.

I submitted pics 2,3 & 4 to them.

And I wrote them a nice email to the Cir que casting folks who are handling this particular project.

It is officially out of my hands, at this point. I've done all that I can to make this a reality.

One quick sidenote: I took a look at the only other actor submitting for the same role that I am. He's a younger guy. 28. A black kid. Lives on the south side of Chicago. Has a stronger vocal background than I do. But nowhere near the same amount of theater and specifically improv training that I have. He's also got about 40 lbs more weight than I do.
I looked at his stuff and thought, "Yeah, this kid is all right. I could see him in the part." I didn't have any jealousy or resentment for him. If he got it, that would be fine with me too. In short, he wasn't totally wrong for the part.

I don't know if there are other actors going out for the part. I think me and this other kid are the only two going out for it, for this coming Tuesday meeting (specifically about this character in this show.) So, that's very encouraging, statistically speaking.

Now, we play the waiting game and see what happens next. I'm going to hang out and see if I hear from them, any time soon. I'll avoid taking on new projects or new performances, between now and the New Year. If I haven't heard anything by December, I figure that I probably won't hear anything at all. Come December, if there's no word, I'll start looking around for the next big opportunity. It's out there somewhere!

(Just to be on the safe side, though, I'm getting my passport, ASAP.)

Cheers,
Mr.B

Rowan Atkinson's Invisible Piano.

Absolutely Brilliant.

Check it out.

What's Next? Re: The Montreal Gig.

Sorry for the lack of communication. I was in the Bluegrass State from Thurs. evening to Sunday, evening. One of the jobs that I did there, was unhook my stepdad's old, busted-ass computer and hook up his sweet new Dell computer. So, internet access was a little spotty. In addition to that, I was constantly on the run and/or holed up with meds, fighting a head cold. I spent almost all of Saturday, curled up under blankets, watching "Ratatouille" with my mom. (A pretty nice Saturday, as they go.) So, communication and progress on this Montreal gig was slow.

On Friday evening, I got a text message from Matt, telling me that the video was up for viewing. I went to the link that he sent me and watched it. It was 90% there, needing a few cosmetic fixes. I sent him an email with my notes and he whipped out the 2.0 version of the video, less than 30 minutes later. My family was at my mom's house on Friday night and they made me keep showing them, over and over again, until everyone had seen it once or twice. (everyone except my mom, who was busy hosting the get-together. I promised to send her a link to it, before it got taken down by Matt.)

I also toured around the Cir que casting website and learned new info about the gig. (Free housing up until two weeks after a show opens! Comparable pay rates! Free English classes for me and my family, if I get the gig!) I got a little worried when I couldn't find anything about the show listed on their website. But an email to the casting agent revealed that the gig is SO NEW that there's no material about it, out there. They don't even have a name for it, yet. He forwarded me a uber-secret email address to upload my material to, for this gig. Cool. huh?

Today, I got an email from the casting agent, sent out to the three or four of us that were up for the Master of Ceremonies position with the show. Apparently, there's a big meeting on Tuesday, between the producer and the director and they're desperate to look at someone, anyone, for this position. The deadline for submitted materials is still technically the end of the month. But they're asking to see anything that we've got, for the meeting tomorrow.

So, tonight, I'm going home and finishing the resume polish (I need to expand it to show all training and performance history - info that I usually condence for resumes) and then I can upload the headshots, the video and the resume. I will also write a nice letter of introduction and send that too. They should have everything ready for viewing when they walk into the office tomorrow.

I had a moment of reflection on Sunday, as I was in the airport, waiting for my flight home. I am really, really lucky to have the support of so many people, to give me, even a fighting chance, at this gig. Matt and Greg have been immediate supporters, with their quick response to specific materials that I needed. But other people have helped prop me forward to get to this point. John directed me in "V&V" and forwarded along the first email to let me know about the gig. Hendo and Megan cast me in the "BBR" and worked with me for three years. Believe it or not, the three years that I was with that company are very attractive to people who see it on my resume. That was my education about all things Burlesque and Variety Show - oriented. Nothing better than on-the-job experience. My team, International Stinger, supports me and are encouraging me to go for this. My parents back me, 100%. Friends and family have said, unanimously, "You've got to go for it." I owe my chance at this, to those people, and others.

EDITED TO ADD: Matt just posted the video on the Youtubes. THIS is what we're sending to Cir que later tonight. (Please keep in mind, they've requested videos that show movement onstage and interraction with audience, in the style of the character. They've also requested 45 seconds of me, out of character, addressing the viewers, directly. So, when that moment comes up, try not to squirm in discomfort, too much. It's what they wanted. Otherwise, this is precisely what I wanted the video to look like. Let's see if it snags an audition for me.)



Until then,
Mr.B

Onion News: 12 Year Old Boy Scouts Offer To Give Breast Exams.

Just saw this from The Onion News.
Absolutely loved it.
Best part? "You should come in and let us check you out."
Hilarious.

The Crane Wife Returns!

Without warning, she just walked into my office to say "hi".

I was so shocked and instantly happy that I nearly fell out of my chair.

Her entire visit here was me, struggling to retain any dignity at all, because the truth is, I wanted to tackle her and give her the biggest hug I can.

We chatted briefly.

She is in town for three months, working on a show, doing some other stuff.

I did not ask about the Boyfriend in Connecticut. I'm pretty sure that topic will sort itself out.

We confirmed that phone numbers are still the same and we made loose plans to get together. She asked me to email her.

And then she hugged me.

And then she left to go have tea with our Literary Manager.

Because she's British.

And that's what they do.

Have tea.

She walked away from my cubicle and I sat here stunned. My co-worker, Robert, watched the whole thing happen and said, "Wow. You've got it bad for that girl. I don't think I've ever seen you act so uncool. There's just no cool in you. That girl knocked it all out of you."

And he's right.

I feel like something hard and solidified in my chest has been sledge-hammered into big, rocky chunks. I feel like my face is flushed and my heart is beating so fast. I feel like a tape that is skipping the same beat over and over again.

"Oh My God. There she is."

"Oh My God. There she is."

"On My God. There she is."

I am absolutely useless at my job, right now. I can't think about anything but her.

I might've been cooler, if I'd had any warning that she was back or coming into the theater. Instead, all I could do was try to recover and say refrain myself from tackling her or saying, "I am so HAPPY to see you." I am sincerely hoping that she was charmed to see someone so nakedly happy to see her. That has to mean something to a person, yes?

If I had a tail, I would be wagging it, right now.

The Crane Wife has returned.
It's going to be an interesting Fall.
With her here...

RADIO LAB needs YOU!

RADIO LAB is working on a new secret project and they want YOU to help them. They're collecting voices of RADIO LAB listeners explaining what the show is. You can call the number that they've provided, get the answering machine, and record a message for them, describing Radio Lab. If they like what they get from you, it's likely to appear in an upcoming broadcast.

So call them already.

The details (and the number) are located here.

I think I'm going to give myself a treat by writing something for them and recording it on their machine tonight. That will be my reward for hustling through work stuff today and hustling through audition stuff tonight. Who knows? I might hear my stuff broadcast on the show in the next season. That would be pretty cool. (The new season of RadioLab should be released in about a month.)

Also, tickets are still available for the LIVE RadioLab event at VG on Oct. 26th & 27th. Jad & Robert will be recreating their fascinating "War of The Worlds" show. Definitely worth checking out. You can purchase them here. Please note that both performances are over half way sold out, so the best seats will be going soon.

Cheers,
Mr.B

The Montreal Gig: Presenting Fletus T. Flywheel!

These are the pics that Greg took for me. I think that they're pretty great.

Compare them with the description of the character...

The Manager
A middle-aged man (age 35-55), primarily a comic actor, with a strong sense of improvisation, and also able to sing. An imposing stage presence, and in good physical condition. He will play a conniving crook and an imposing impresario, as arrogant as funny. The Director's model is Nathan Lane (The Producers)

The Manager doesn't need to be the best singer, or the best improvisational comedian; but he needs to be imposing and have a strong comic side. He will lead the show from the beginning, first as the Manager /Faust, and then as a Vaudeville MC.

Oh yeah, I can see that.





Did I mention that the character is vaguely devilish?
Can you tell that's a spice that we tried to weave into these pics?





I have to submit two pics with my packet. I'm using pics #3 & #4. (They've requested a full body shot.)

Now, alls I need is a presentation video and an expanded resume and my work here is done.

Cheers,
Mr.B

PS. Greg really knocked the ball out of the park on these shots. I couldn't be happier with them. Seriously, email him immediately and order yourself some headshots. There's no better bargain, in town.

The Montreal Gig: One Late Night Later...

Last night, at 11:30pm, Matt Larsen, Greg Inda and his lovely girlfriend, Shawna (I bet I mispelled that) met me at The Playground to shoot pictures and footage for the presentation video that I'm prepping for this audition. The 10pm show ran a little late and the guys from that show were gracious about turning the space over to us. (A shout out to the lads of "Gung Hoes".)

Matt was efficient about camera setup and Greg and Shawna ran lights for the bits that we put together. It was a relatively easy shoot. First we shot the introduction of the Master of Ceremonies character, which I named Fletus T. Flywheel (a loving nod to Groucho). It was fun to be back in my tux and tails and gallivanting around on the stage. The great thing about working with Matt and Greg is that they were on board 100% to shoot what I wanted, with helpful suggestions that I think really enhanced the project. And it was a light, easy shoot. If I fucked up a shot, I would just reset and we would go at it again. After we got a take that we liked, we did 3 or 4 more good takes to give Matt plenty to work with, when he edits the video.

I also handed him a comprehensive shot list from the two DVDs of the Vaudeville show, listing everything that I wanted him to pull, either as a potential clip for the video or as a short visual joke to enhance the musical montage section of the audition video. I think he was a little intimidated when he saw it, but then, when he saw that it was actually not that bad, I think he relaxed a little bit.

After Matt wrapped the film shoot section, around 12:45am, Matt broke his stuff down and took off, while Greg and Shawna set up to take the headshots. Greg has a comprehensive lighting rig. So many instruments. So many lights of so many different varieties. He took measurements of the light and paced off distances. And set a stool for me and then began taking pictures.

Greg was efficient and concise with his directions. "Lean forward. Raise your chin. Widen your eyes. Smile like the devil." And once he found a look that he liked, we took tons and tons of pictures. Over 250+ of them, in a few hours. In street clothes. In the tux. With the top hat. Without the top hat. With cigar. Without cigar. And then several reels of experimental stuff like extreme reaches and interesting physical stuff.

We finally ended the session around 3:30 in the morning.

I feel wiped out, today. I was so tired, this morning, that I overlept. Luckily Joe woke me up and got me going.

I am happy to report, though, that we got some excellent footage and some top-notch pictures, last night. I saw the ones that Greg was going to do some processing on and prep for submission. They're pretty spectacular. They really showcase the character (both the one that I'm playing and the one that this show is looking to hire.) I'll post them here in the blog once I get them. I'll post Matt's video, when it's done, too.

After that, I upload all of my materials to their website and it's in the French-Canadians hands, at that point.

Merci,
Mr.B

The Montreal Gig: The Next Big Thing.

I think it's safe to talk about this now. I think I have a solid perspective on this and can safely discuss this. I know the lay of the land, here.

Yesterday morning, I got a forwarded email from the director of the Vaude ville show. A friend of his is a casting agent for Cir que Du Sol eil (name intentionally broken to avoid Google detection). They are currently working on two new shows to go to NYC and Las Vegas. The Las Vegas show is a "The Life and Times of Elvis" show that had nothing in it for me. No parts, nothing. The NYC show, though, that was a cat of a different color.

This is the character breakdown that caught my eye...

THE MANAGER
We need a middle-age male actor (age 35-55) who is primarily a comic actor, with strong sense of improvisation, and able to sing. An imposing stage presence but in good physical condition. He will play a conniving crook imposing impressario, as arrogant as funny. The director's model is Nathan Lane (The Producers).

He doesn't need to be the best singer, or the best fast-impro comic; but he needs to be imposing and a comic side, he will lead the show, from the beginning as the Manager / Faust, to the MC of the Vaude ville world.

Yeah. I know. I can do that. That's precisely the character that I just played in Evanston.

Even more interesting is the fact that one of the reviewers of the Vaude ville show specifically described me as a "Nathan Lane" type. I thought that the coincidence was too good to pass up.

So, I emailed the Casting Agent with resume and two or three headshots from the recent "Public Enem ies" photo shoot and a link to the show and the review that specifically referenced Lane. And I waited to get the response.

Which came about an hour later. The casting agent loved my look. He said that I was definitely "in type" for the gig. And that he could easily see my playing the part. He sent me detailed notes on what I needed to prep for them. I needed a new, full-body shot, in character and I needed video footage to send them. Something that showed me moving and acting in character. And they wanted to see a minute of me, out of character, being myself. They need to see me moving and moving well for a big guy.

So, I emailed Matt Larsen and he's free to help me get a little footage to edit into footage from the vaude ville show. In theory, we can have an audition tape ready by next weekend. Which fits perfectly with the casting agents schedule. I also need some new pics from a photographer friend. Looks like I'll be cashing in some "favor chips" for that too.

Realistically, I am one of several actors bidding for the part. I am doing the same thing that these other actors are doing. The same prep work. The casting agent didn't tell me how many people he was sending up for the gig. But he DID say that he was actively discouraging people who weren't right for the gig. And that the synchronicity of my just completing this gig and Cir que prepping their own vaude ville show was too good to pass up. He said that I was a good match for the part.

So, where does all of this potentially lead?

If I complete the paperwork and video and send it in...
and if they see it and like it...

(two big if's)

the next step will be an actual audition in Montreal for the director and the producers. On their ticket. Their plane ticket. Their hotel accomodations. One shot to strut my stuff and show them what I've got...

And if that happens and all goes well...

I move to Montreal around Christmas and spend 4 - 6 months, prepping the show. After that, we come first to Chicago for a three month, soft opening, working out the bugs of the show. After that, we go into residence of a theater on Broadway, in NYC, in an open run in Cir que's first Broadway show.

Yeah. I know.

That would be a "Game Changer".

Working for the biggest circus company in the world. Playing a part that I know and would excel at, first in Montreal, then in my home town, then in New York City, where I would be in residence. And drawing phat Circus checks. Living for an indeterminate period of time in the city I just visited in August for the first time. I could do that.

If all of that happens, who knows what "if's" and "opportunities" are down the road beyond this?

So, yes, very exciting stuff.

I'm focusing on the preparatory steps that I need to take, to get the gig. I'm researching the director this weekend and his work in vaude ville. I'm shooting the framing footage for the video this weekend and editing it together. I'm shooting a few pics for the packet. I'm re-tooling the resume to give them the extensive training information that they're looking for. Nose to the grindstone, baby. Nose to the grindstone.

And I'm reaching for this new brass ring as hard as I can. While there are no guarantees that I'll actually get this, the only thing that I CAN guarantee is that I won't get it, if I don't try. Somebody is going to get this gig. Why not me?

More details coming, as I know more. Heck, I'll try to post the audition video on Youtube and post it here too. Might be worth a larf.

If you got fingers, you might start crossing them for me.

Cheers,
Mr.B

Wikipedia-haters & The Whereabouts of El Debarge.

"I wonder what El Debarge is up to these days," said Ryan, seemingly from nowhere.

I looked up from the knee-high socks that I was rolling into place and scanned his face for some clue as to what exactly he was talking about. I was in the costume shop of the theater, getting dressed for that nights' performance of "Vaudeville & Vixens". At the time that Ryan walked up, I had on a white t-shirt, comedy underpants, sock garters and one black sock. I was mid-sock, when Ryan hit me with his El Debarge question.

"Um, what?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"You know, El Debarge, the singer. I wonder what he's up to?"

"The guy who sang, 'Who's Johnny?' That guy?" I stopped rolling up my socks and looked at Ryan, thinking that this would all clear itself up, if I waited long enough.
Ryan was a sweet kid. Maybe a little young, but he had a great attitude and was a lot of fun to work with, in the show. Before this very moment, he had never talked about El Debarge, or any other musician, with me.

"Yeah. That's the one. I wonder what he's up to," Ryan looked at me as if this was the most natural conversation in the world.

"I don't know. Why? Why are you wondering what El Debarge is up to?" I could tell that we were getting to the heart of things now.

"Well, Ryan and I were talking about him and how he had a big hit with that song and "Rhythm of the Night". And how we never really heard from him again. And I wonder why that is."

Now that the mystery was solved for me, I went back to rolling up my sock.

"Well, you could look him up on the wikipedia and see what he's up to," I said.

And Ryan actually snickered sarcastically and said, "Yeah! Wikipedia! I trust THAT website. Ha ha!" and he laughed snarkily about his clear dislike for Wikipedia.

And that's what this blog entry is about. Ryan's snapshot disdain for Wikipedia. And how I thought we were all past that whole idea. It reminds me of the anti-internet predjudice of the late 80's and early 90'. When you could hear someone say, with a straight face, "There's nothing but kooks on the internet" and you couldn't site an internet page as a reference in a school report without risking your teacher's stern disapproval. I remember when we had to learn how to cite internet pages in the bibliography sections of our reports. New technology required new citation rules.

But it's decades after that. And the wikipedia has been in operation since 2001. Seven years to shake off the jangly first days of kook infiltration. The wikipedia now has a ast community of researchers and writers. They police themselves endlessly. Both for factual innacuracies and for format inconsistencies. Their single greatest asset is their reputation for validity and they protect it with multiple layers of security measures.

Even Stephen Colbert's personal onslaught against the Wikipedia page on elephants has been rebuked, time and time again. Some Colbert Nation fan posts the phrase "Elephant population in Africa has tripled over the past six months" per his suggestion on Wikipedia and the wikiadministrators take it down. If the Colbert poster keeps trying to post it, they lock the article and ban his acct. Cyber a-holes are efficiently dispatched in the wiki-universe.

All of this editing and policing site has a very real benefit - the wikipedia is now, unquestioningly, a good source for information. It isn't comprehensive. It isn't the final authority. But it generally knows what it's talking about. And can give you a good foundation of information if you want to know about a subject. And it frequently can point you in the right direction to seek out more information about a given subject, if you want to pursue your studies.

We're lucky to live in an age that makes information to readily available to the citizens. The wikipedia is free to all users. It's accesible to anyone with internet access. And in it's 7 short years of existence, it has evidenced a permanence and adaptability that will ensure it's longevity. Our kids will use wikipedia. (Or some derivation thereof.)

When Ryan sneered at the suggestion of using wikipedia, he accidentally tipped his hat about his own ignorance. By which I don't mean an inability to learn, but an anachronism in his way of thinking. He was stuck in the late 80's mindset of "that dang ole' internets is run by and for kooks" instead of the more operative mindset of "generally speaking, the internet, specifically wikipedia, can be a good source of information".

I finished rolling up my socks and said, "Well, maybe the wikipedia isn't a good source for hotly contested discussions, like religion versus science or civil rights and maybe there's a temptation to use the wikipedia to spread misinformation, ala the presidential elections, but I bet you could trust it for information and the activities of El Debarge. I doubt anyone is spamming his wiki page to spread misinformation. In fact, I bet El Debarge is thrilled to have a wikipedia page at all."

Ryan grudgingly agreed that he wasn't in any danger of El Debarge mis-information. He turned to the mac computer and chose, instead, to go to Youtube and watch the video for El Debarge's hit song, "Who's Johnny", which featured scenes from the 1986 movie, Short Circuit.



You can read the wikipedia page for El Debarge here. Everyone here at "word" would like to wish him success on his new, untitled, sixth album and for the selection of his 1985 hit, "Rhythm of the Night" as the theme song of Lowes Motor Speedway during the 2008 NASCAR season.

Cheers,
Mr.B


Mr.Debarge in 2007

A Little Bit of London, A Little Bit of Sinatra

Ask me what I'm listening to these days and I'll tell you that it's a little bit of Julie London...



and a little bit of "Old Blue Eyes"...



Sure, they're both a little quiet and a little bit sad. But I think that they're pretty. I've picked up a few disks by both London and Sinatra from The Library Grift and they're both getting a lot of play on the ipod lately.

In case you were wondering...

Merrily We Roll Along,
Mr.B

Our Sick Little Video...

Things are really picking up, in the labs, prepping for the Nov, 08 & Jan. 09 "Sickest Stories" shows. One feature that we're talking about adding, is a pre-show video. Matt Larsen created a special video for the "Geek Out, Freak Out" video that combined footage of Tron, Harry Potter, The Justice League, Star Wars and Santa Clause. And I found the effect to be mesmerizing. I loved that the video sequed perfectly into the show that they were about to see. And The Playground has that sweet ass projection system. Why not use it?

So, a friend of mine, and I are designing some videos to play before the show. 20 minutes long. Random, short clips of videos that slap together to keep the audience visually entertained pre-show, as well as prepare them for what they're about to see.

Tonight, I wrote Jim, our videographer, with some guidelines of what I'm looking for. It was such an odd list of items to throw together, that I thought I would reprint it here.

Here's some guidelines on what footage to look for (or avoid). Use it as a jumping off point, and feel free to explore beyond these suggestions.

No actual deaths. (No snuff films. No accidental deaths.) Any depicted deaths or dismemberments should clearly be faked. Or SO over the top that they are clearly not real.

Vomiting is okay.
Sex is okay.
Dogs humping is awesome.
Kittens are awesome. (but not if they're killed.)
zombies are good.
Karate is good.
Dicks are okay.
Asses are more than okay.
Vaginas are okay.
Nudity, in general, is okay.
Naked people doing things, like skydiving, dancing, playing volleyballs, is okay.
Old Jackie Chan is okay.
Current Jackie Chan is NOT okay.
Hendrix is okay.
Cross-dressing is okay.
Sexual deviance is especially okay.
Did I mention vomitting is okay.
A single cumshot is permissable. Especially if it's funny.
Monkeys, gorillas and chimps are absolutely welcome.
Unless they are cumming.
People falling down and getting hurt is essential.
Olympic officials getting speared with a javelin is okay.
Video of people being on drugs is good.
Video of people doing drugs.
Video of what people on drugs see is even better.
Old cartoons is okay. Especially if it's particularly cheesy.
Old striptease videos and 70's movie trailers for blaxplotation and women in prison movies could be your bread and butter.
Any video can have more tits in it. Don't skimp on the tits.

Throw in some quick flashes of dicks (ala "Fight Club") and throw in some "subliminal" title cards that show text. Some suggested title cards, might include.

"Blowjobs are a good idea."
"Show your tits."
"Make bad life choices."
"Harz prefers anal."
"Greg is gay."
"Fuzzy is."
"Eat me."
"You are turned on."
"Show hosts are hot."
"Pot is your friend."
"Drink more."
"See this show again."
"Best show ever."

Feel free to experiment with color, fonts, sizes, etc. They shouldn't be TOTALLY invisible to the guests. But they also shouldn't be able to completely read them. So, timing is key there.

Also, don't worry about sound. The video will be playing on the screen, before the show, but the show music will be playing over it. So, think of this entirely as a visual experiment.

Any questions?

Lemme know.
Mr.B

Yes, to be clear, I am specifically instructing my videographer to include subliminal images of dicks and "nasty phrases" in our pre-show video.

I can't wait to see this thing.

Cheers,
Mr.B

PS. You can see the video too.
On November 1st.
At the performance of "The Sickest F***ing Stories I Ever Heard".
Admission is only $5 for that very special show.

Some "Sickest F***ing" updates...

Hey gang,

Check out this crackerjack postcard that our new storyteller, Alan Hawkins, has mocked up for us. I think it's pretty great!



Nice use of the "Last Supper" pic from August's show!
Nice graphic choices. Aggressive use of color and smart layout of text.
I dig everything about it.

And, on top of that, Alan is open to designing some other stuff for us. Posters. Postcards. Banners. T-Shirts. Etc. I think he even does some online graphics design, which will only help the show develop a cleaner online presence. (I like what we already have. I'm always interested in improving what's there.)

So, that's a very lucky find for us. A great guest with stories of his career in porn. (In the graphic desing division), who is looking for a show to work with and has natural graphic talents. Hopefully, working on the show will be a rewarding experience for him, too. It's always a pleasure to see something you're working on, grow up, a little bit.

Did I also mention that we've got a request to franchise the show in Orlando? Nothing firm, yet. Just a letter of interest from an actor/improviser in FL. We're only now, developing what a franchise would mean exactly. (And yes, before you ask, we'll make sure that whatever we work out, honors WNEP's work on the show as well as ours. They're the initiallaboratory that spawned the show. Anything going forward should honor those guys too.)

One more thing about Saturday's show. This will be the first "SFS" show that I wasn't at. Saturday is also the closing of "Vaudeville & Vixens" and also the cast party night and probably the viewing of the show video. I really want to be there for that. (My one and only chance to see the show from start to finish.) I'm taking steps to leave materials for the other staff (including our new lights and sound guy) and hopefully the steps that I take to prep for the show, will also be in place for any future shows that I miss. In short, the baby is growing up and needs my raw, chapped teat a lot less than it used to.

So, that's everything. If you have a Saturday night free, you might want to check out the show. Look for exciting changes to come up for the show in 2009.

Onward and Upward,
COB

The International Order of Gorillas & Flynn's Arcade T-shirts.

Found a new online t-shirt company that produces remakes of t-shirts from movies and fictional companies. I'm fascinated by this concept. That there are actual items that you can purchase, that carry with them the abstract concept that a fictional thing is actually a real thing. I really dig that.

I guess it also serves as a nice shorthand to people around you what your tastes are, without broadcasting it. If I have my "I've Got Wood" t-shirt on, you can guess that either A.) I'm a fan of "Shaun of The Dead" or B.) I get erections so consistently and of such magnitude that I can advertise them publicly. I'm fine with either interpretation, actually. But if I'm wearing my "Venture Industries" t-shirt and a co-worker high-fives me for it, then that's a good feeling too.

That said, I doubt I'll get a whole lot of high-fives for this "International Order of Gorillas" t-shirt from "Real Genius". But it's still funny to me. I'll probably have to get one.



I fancy that "Cadaceus" t-shirt from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" too.

And then there's THIS little item. A t-shirt from Flynn's arcade from the movie TRON. There's actually a few different designs for Flynn's arcade floating around on the internets. But this is the best one I've seen, yet. I am probably going to have to get one.



I don't know when I can plug them into the budget. But I'm going to have to set aside some cash for these sweet babies. Because I want to send the following messages to people that I pass by...

A.) I like the movie "Real Genius".
B.) I am politically active for the civil rights of Gorillas.
C.) I like the move "Tron".
D.) I play old-school video games that you've never heard of in an old-school arcade that you've never heard of either.

Cheers,
Mr.B

PS. DAMN! That "Flynn's Arcade" t-shirt is calling to me. I think I gotsta get that thing.